


Summer: Time to go Home

by parkjikook_ot7



Series: we change like seasons do [1]
Category: IU (Musician), SHINee, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Angst, Angst and Feels, Attempt at Humor, BFFs, Best Friends, Break Up, College, Crack, Crack and Angst, Crying, Dark, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, Everyone Has Issues, F/M, Family Issues, Fluff, How Do I Tag, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Loss of Trust, Mental Health Issues, Post-Break Up, References to Depression, Romance, Sad, Slice of Life, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, Trust Issues, University, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 04:45:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17522207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkjikook_ot7/pseuds/parkjikook_ot7
Summary: 'I was teaching you how to love and suddenly I don't know how to love myself anymore'





	Summer: Time to go Home

**Author's Note:**

> Cause why not write a summer fic in winter? LoL, have a great day!

 

If anything, you could say that Summer is the time where people go to find themselves.

  
Cold drinks, loud music, light weight of everything passing by — how could you live life _this_ perfect?  You've got friends, you get to spend long nights and hot days with them, be it under a roof or under the sun in the sea?

Summer is also the perfect time to go _home._ Indeed, Summer is the perfect time to go back to where you really belong.

Sure, N.Y.C nights are the best, seeing the beautiful sight of twinkling lights on the glass of the skyscraper she spends her days while studying abroad and probably wouldn't have the luxury if it weren't for her father, but it's just that Busan is _special._

It's Summer. It's time to go home.

_It's time to go home. Home._

_Sometimes, home isn't a place anymore, but someone's tight embrace._

Domestic is the word you can use to describe the position they were in currently, her best friend's arms wrapped around her protectively with his head nuzzled in her neck, and her fingers threading his cherry locks.

It would've been a great dream to live, but she can't afford to go back and find her self in that situation again. No. It's time to wake up.

Pushing the boy over gently, she also moved away. By the time she was standing, drowning in the others dress shirt, she smiled a little and muttured a small _"good morning"_ then making her way out.

_Chaos._

_Of course, it's chaos._

"Yah, Jimin-ah, don't take the fan for yourself, you greedy angel!"

"Shut up, you handsome young man! You ate the whole tub of ice cream for yourself!"

"You shut up too! You're evil!", Taehyung screamed.

"You just said I'm an angel literally a minute ago!", Jimin said, hitting him with a stick that he got from nobody knows where.

Taehyung just grunted. "Shut up, I think you're an angel that we desperately need to _ignore and not mind_ at this heat!"

"Oh, shut up the two of you, stop feeding each other's egos!", Seokjin said. "Share a bit of that fan, you two."

Taking the remote quickly from the cabinet just beside the stairs she silently walked down minutes ago and turning the air conditioner on it's highest setting, she got the attention to herself. "Would you three think you're stupid for not turning on the aircon?"

"Yes, yes we will.", Seokjin said in a trance. The other two in lost of words, stood up and checked her sides like detectives in a snap.

"There's nothing hyung.", Taehyung looked to Seokjin.

Jimin sighed too. "No signs of Kookie."

Seokjin awkwardly shifted. "So, why are you here? In our house? At nine o'clock?", he questioned. "... wearing Jungkook's shirt? Did you two hav—"

_"You two better have your hands off my best friend before I snap your heads of, thank you very much.", a sleepy voice grumbled. "...and what, Seokjin hyung? Mind to continue?"_

"Too mean for a summer morning, Jungkook.", the girl smiled brightly despite the words she spoke, and in a split second, Jungkook was ruffling her hair.

"It's Monday. It's Summer, but it's still Monday.", Jungkook rested his chin on the others head. "You know me."

"Shut up.", the girl sighed. "..and in my defense, Seokjinnie, Jungkookie and my brother got in a fight yesterda—stop screaming, Jin oppa — so I had to pick their sorry asses out of that club, dropped my brother off our house and dropped Jungkookie in the house — I said, would you please stop screaming, Jinnie?", Hye Rin sighed. "I'm not done explaining yet."

"I can't stop screaming because this!! Jeon!! Jungkook!! Got!! Into!! A!! Fight!!", Seokjin yelled. "Okay I'm fine now."

"Yes, so this man right here, soiled my shirt because of a reason you _know_ — Jimin, your mind! He fucking puked on me, you gross! So I had to wear his clothes and I can't go home like this, you know so I stayed the night.", Hye Rin said, pissed off. "Now, would you mind telling me where the others are?"

"Yoongi's asleep.", Jimin answered.

A minute of silence and Hye Rin spoke. "Let me guess. Hoseok oppa is waking up?", they muttered a small 'yes'.

"And Namjoonie is stopping Seokie from waking Yoongi oppa up?", her eyebrows raised. They all nodded, and it's not even a second and she's already walking up.

"Wait, where are you going?", Jungkook asked, confused.

 _'Aww, he literally has question marks all over his face!!!!',_ she internally squealed. _'Okay, that's_ _HOMIEsexual_ _. Stop your hoe, Lee. STOP IT.'_

"I'm stopping Joon from stopping Seok from doing the stupid thing.", She finished after a long, thudding sound and something falling on the floor.

 _"_ _JUNG_ _HOSEOK_ _!!"_

_"SHIT, I TOLD YOU TO LISTEN TO ME!"_

"I guess I'm late. Who wants pancakes? Everyone? Good. Now cook. Please add sesame oil.", Hye Rin laughed.

Taehyung laughed, too. "It's funny how fast you move on things."

Hye Rin, smiled under the gaze of the taller man. "Surprisingly, I did!", she yelled excitedly. "But it's only because I'm done sulking over y— a lot of things."

"No need to get dramatic for a pancake!", Namjoon said.

"Oh, you three are there already. How's it, oppa?", Hye Rin smiled at Hoseok.

"Pretty fine but...", he looked at Yoongi. "After this, I'm sure his name won't make me smile anymore!"

"Hoseok, you woke me up knowing I just slept!", Yoongi yelled, walking straight to the kitchen.

"Yes, and suddenly, your name didn't make me smile anymore!", Hoseok dramatically said, walking to the kitchen too.

The others were following and she's walking, baby steps to the kitchen. Jungkook gave her a look, telling her to follow. Best friend, the one who waits for me no matter how slow I am at times.

" _And one day, you're name didn't make me_ _smile_ _anymore.",_ Taehyung muttured, making Hye Rin turn her back. "It's quite a surprise someone managed to say that without such pain."

"Tae, not everybody dwells on the past.", She joked. "Life's hard when you're bitter with no plans of moving on."

_It's Summer. Time to find who you are. To have fun._

_'I'm starting to think Summer had enough that.'_

"Please just sit down, seven of you, while I cook.", Seokjin ordered, way too exhausted and the day has just started.

Jungkook sighed. "But I want to help, hyung."

"You can help by not doing anything. We should keep this kitchen safe zone. Please.", the oldest practically begged. "If I don't get to finish these a certain someone would throw a tantrum, and we wouldn't like that."

Jungkook glared at Hye Rin. "This is your fault, you little—"

Waving with her tiny hands and a sheepish smile, said girl spoke with gentleness. "Hi..."

"Oh,hi too babe.", Jungkook smiled, and the others crack at the change of mood.

"God, you two, stop playing rock, paper, scissors with a fucking mirror and just, ugh! It physically hurts me to say that this is more concerning than Jimin drinking wine early at the morning.", Namjoon ranted.

"I don't drink wine at the morning, hyung!", Jimin yelled, sitting at the countertop.

"Sure you don't, cherub.", Hoseok spoke.

"So... back to the topic.", Seokjin looked at the two youngest. "You all, let's get this straight."

Hye Rin stood up, taking some plates. "The only thing that isn't straight in the place is Park Jimin, Jinnie."

And suddenly, Jimin was down and pressing up against Hye Rin. "I can prove to you that what you're saying is a case of misinformation, now would you mind if we take this conversation to bed?"

"Shut the fuck up, Park!", she giggled, handing the plates to the boy.

"In this household we get rid of horny people.", Yoongi muttured. "So Namjoon, Jungkook and Jimin, you may all leave."

 _'I like_ _hanging out with them so much, but I not to the point that I love them. I've sworn to myself before. I am never using that word for_ _someone_ _else that's not me ever again.'_

"Hyung, I told you, nothing's going on between Hye Rin and I.", Jungkook explained. "Right, Rin?", he called.

"Sure.", she said, pouring some syrup on the pancakes she didn't know was already served. "He likes my sister."

"Ah, Jieun-ssi?", Seokjin said. "Nice pick Kook."

"Yeah, and she'll never notice me anyway.", Jungkook sighed. "Only if I know how to talk to girls aside from my sweet Hye Rin!!!"

Namjoon grunted. "Hn. Why don't you ask your sweet Hye Rin what her sister likes because maybe that's her sister and she probably know?", Namjoon asked.

_Wait... that's right._

"Oh my God, you're a genius, Joon! Would you please,Rin?! Please?", Jungkook's eyes almost gleamed.

"Love is only exciting at the first days, but sure, if that's what you want babe.", Hye Rin shrugged. "So, who's up for the beach today?"

Of course everyone is.

_I think I'll enjoy having him as a best friend now while I can...._

###

The next day, Hye Rin appears in a sleeveless white chiffon top and a pink tennisskirt, holding an equally pink paper.

"Okay, so here's a list of what my sister loves.", she said, handing the paper to Jungkook. "But before that, I'll teach you how to treat girls."

"And how exactly would you do that?"

"Well, since I'm notorious for being anti-love in this household, you can practice with your greatass best friend and she'll be telling you if you're doing it right, or if you're messing things up."

"You're so extra, Hye Rin.", Hoseok laughed when the girl pulled a tiny whiteboard and a marker and Drew a check.

"Hey, aren't we gonna talk about her looks tho.", Jimin smiled. "That's summertime fashion baby!"

"Thank you very much, Jimin.", she smiled. "Now go pack your thinks, my parents would be coming in an hour now so you've got approximately thirty minutes to pack, fifteen minutes to prepare yourselves and the rest would be spend finding seats in the car. We're going to the beach."

Loading...

Loading...

_Loafuckingding_

And that's all it took them to scramble into their rooms, get their bags, and once again, she's left alone.

_After they find people they're gonna be with, they're gonna leave me soon too. I should get used to it._

###

**Lesson one: SHE always goes first.**

It's been forty-five minutes and their sitting on the van Hye Rin came driving with. _That explains the_ _hugeass_ _fucking car._

Once almost all of them are in, Jungkook was almost gonna go inside the car when Hye Rin coughed.

Oh.

"Uh... You go first.", Jungkook smiled. ' _Shit, how do I do this I'm not used to treating her soft!'_

The girl smiled delicately. _"Thank you." Fuck let me back out, I can't do this._

Jungkook smiled equally as soft.

###

**Lesson two: Open the fucking door and carry her bags, Jeon Jungkook.**

It was nearing evening when they arrived.

The trip wasn't that much of a pain in the ass, but the most problematic was that they'll be staying for quite some days and damn did they tell their parents shit about this.

"Alright guys, I think we're here.", Hye Rin smiled. They immidiately  went down the car but Hye Rin didn't even budge.

Jungkook was three steps near asking when Taehyung nudged him.

 _"_ _Hyung_ _!"_

_"Open the door and take her stuff, Jungkook, you dumbass!", He whisper yelled._

"Oh shit.", the younger boy scratches his name and scrambles to open the door and get his _what?_ What is Hye Rin to him now? _Fuck it._ "Sorry...", he cheekily muttured once he's opened the door.

"It's okay...", sweetly, she replied, then smiled. "You fixed your hair?"

Jungkook shrugged. "Thought it's worth.", he smiled.

Hye Rin looked down for a while. _'I almost thought it was for me, but then I remembered_ _Jieun_ _would be coming.'_

Instead of being sad, she smiled and locked eyes with the boy she's known for more than years now.

_Thinking about it, Hye Rin is pretty. She looks a bit like her sister, but carries her appearance in a different way rather than lady-like, unlike the other girl. Undeniably, the girl in front of him, locked inside the car because he had his arms on either side of the car door frame, is in many ways more beautiful than her sister._

"Oh, look at that, it's our baby, dangshin!", Jungkook almost facepalms when he hears the latter's mom, excitement audible. "O...oh! You're with your...best friend? Or is he still?"

Hye Rin just smiled, pushed him a bit and bumped her forehead on his chest, before moving away.

"Mom, it's been so long!", Hye Rin smiled. "Taem-oppa!", she excitedly ran to her brother.

Sure, they were older, but _relationships don't age._ They're siblings and that relation won't die, and will be fresh until the end of times.

...or maybe that's just special treatment for Taemin. "Jieun.", she bowed.

The girl laughed sweet. "Baby sis, you can call me eonnie. That's unfair when you call Taem oppa and you don't call me eonnie.", she frowned.

She pursed her lips. "My respect is solely for those who should be respected. I don't think you're worth.", she whispered only for her sister, who's gritting her teeth, to hear.

_Oh, did she love the drama._

Meanwhile, Jungkook just stared there flushed. The older girl always seemed _goddess-like to him._

Jieun is a beautiful girl, two years older if not three, and has been the embodiment of gorgeous to Jungkook. She's got perfect eyes, a high nose, tiny lips and everything about her screamed elegant. Jungkook's type. _Definitely Jungkook's type._ From her straightened black hair to her blood red painted toenails, she's perfect.

_And oh God, how little did he know about the girl._

"Eyes on me, Jeon Jungkook.", Hye Rin glared at him, when the others are busy catching up, walking away and into the beach house. "Your soon-to-be girlfriend wouldn't want you staring at other girls. _So just stare_ _only on this fucking lady_ or I'll make you."

**_(Lesson three: Don't look at anybody else the way you'd stare at her)_ **

Her long nails scraped his skin, sending tingles through his spine. _No, no. That's Hye Rin, your best friend you only meet whenever it's Summer and she's back from New York. You shouldn't feel that way. She's your best friend._

"I'm a bit jealous, Jungkook-ah, you stared at my sister in a way I didn't like.", she dangerously whispered. "What are you gonna do about that? How are you gonna make up for treating me poorly?"

It wasn't until they were called for dinner that he was able to move, and he realized that the girl was hugging him.

Right, this was Hye Rin. This was his Hye Rin.

"Don't be so worked up, Kook.", Hye Rin calmly said, "I'm just teaching you how Jieun would react to most of the actions you're gonna be doing.", Hye Rin smiled.

"Come, we'll be eating now, Jungkook-ah.", the girl sheepishly said. "If you don't walk faster I'll bite you.", she joked.

He didn't laugh.

_Maybe the reason he wasn't learning this was because love wasn't meant to be taught._

###

Days, when it's Summer, flies faster than you would think it does.  It's been three days since they went to the beach and since Hye Rin started teaching him stuff..

No. Jungkook wouldn't admit he's failing this. _He would never admit he's learning something that he isn't being taught about._

Here's a few things the girl has taught him about Jieun:

**1) She always comes first.**   
**2) Open doors for him. Chivalry ain't dead.**   
**3) Don't look at other girls, it makes her (Jieun) jealous.**   
**4) Cuddles are a must.**   
**5) Listen to her. Even if you don't like it.**   
**6) Treat her like how you'll treat her mom.**   
**7) Do what she says.**   
**8) No video games when with her.**   
**9) Romantic movies.**   
**10) Agree with her. You must agree with her.**

It dawned to Jungkook.

He had a sudden realization one night, as he was hugging the girl on his arms. Both of them couldn't sleep because of their designated roommates. The little ranting somehow turned to them, both craddled onto the huge couch, getting comfortable.

 _It was normal for best friends to be this close._ Jungkook reminded himself once his heart raced a bit more faster than usual.

He tried to remember all those he was taught about, remembered how Hye Rin acted like Jieun will. Delicate and elegant, always calm and composed.

When he knew about her likes and dislikes, how she wants to be treated and what to and what not, he knew it _would_ be toxic. What he likes to do is what she doesn't, and if he goes in her accord, his world would stop.

Aside from the approaches Hye Rin taught him about Jieun, his best friend also taught him about how to _love_ generally.

" _Jungkook."_ , he recalled her sweet voice, calling his name as they both endulged in each other's presence. "Jieun might not the only girl you'll love in your life."

Of course, he took it as a joke. "What are you saying? She's the love of my life. Why would you even say that?", he remembers himself saying.

 _"Because you're not the only man she'll ever find."_ , she said, lost in her own trance but continuing to speak. "I wasn't teaching you how to love,or treat girls at all. I was teaching you how to love Jieun — because that's all you wanted to learn.", she passed a bit.

"But that's not all you _need_ to learn."

"Why are you saying these things?", he remembered being a bothered, and annoyed.

It was calm and relaxing around them. Noisy people but they don't mind, it was their safe place.

_It was their little world, where it's only him and her, only them._

Hye Rin chuckled at the thought.

_Our own little world where it's just you and me, talking about somebody else._

"Because, I said, there's no way Jieun is the only person you'll love.", Hye Rin laughed. "I've been there. I knew what it felt to fall for somebody else while loving the love of your life — or, perhaps, I know what it felt to have the love of my life fall with somebody else, while loving me."

_Oh, Hye Rin. His sweet, beautiful Hye Rin. His broken Hye Rin._

_Hye Rin that's not his, but oh, does he love the thought of it._

Jungkook snaps at the thought. _What the fuck. What the fuck. You're best friends, Jungkook. Quit it._

"If you deserve the love, you'll get it.", she said, absentmindedly. "If you don't, if you get cheated on, if you don't understand anything, it's okay. If you can't learn anything, it's okay. Love _shouldn't_ be forcibly taught. If it's for you, then it is. You don't find it, Koo. You work for it, but it finds you. You help it find you."

_Hye Rin is a simple, simple girl._

With her hair in a ponytail she exerted zero effort in, her make-up bare face, her baggy clothes, her skinny jeans and her sneakers, she has no care on the world or how the world will see her. Her reason? She doesn't dress to impress.

Everything's so simple when it comes to her. Sad? Cry. Tired of being sad? Be happy. Wanna be happy? Fucking eat.

He almost questioned himself on why he didn't love this girl.

_She's my best friend._

The last bits of yesterday rummaged through his mind, until he lost himself in the dark, _the most beautiful girl_ he held on his arms, and the midnight sky taking away all his thoughts as he craddled the moon to slumber.

 _(Little did he know, that was another lesson._ **_11: She's not the only person you'll ever love._ ** _)_

###

The morning came, and everyone was already energetic, enthusiasm visible in everybody's faces. Some planning on just eating cold treats and some wanting to bathe in the cold water of the beach.

It was no shocking, the sight of the two youngest of the group cuddling once again in the sofa — unable to sleep in another person's presence if not each other's. Everytime the girl decides to sleep over, they always see this exact scene. It was no near surprising.

It was not, for them — but for the girl's family, maybe it is. In all seriousness, it is.

"Uh... that's them comforting each other...", Seokjin was the first to speak. "They do that all the time."

"Are you sure they're not dating?", Mrs. Lee said once again. "Taem, how could you be so calm with your sister doing this!"

"Chill, mom. That's Jeongguk-ah. They've been cuddling since, what, their pre-school days? Chill.", Taemin said, munching on his breakfast. "But yeah, are you sure they aren't dating?"

"We're sure. They're not dating. We know they're not.", Yoongi spoke. "But I don't think they know that they're _not_ dating.", he commented nonchalantly, making the whole room crack up.

The noise caused Hye Rin to shuffle, and almost in instinct, in their sleepy daze, Jeongguk tightened his hold on the girl, and groaning. "Don't move, you'll fall.", he said, sleepy, only answered with a whine.

"Why do I feel like I'm seeing things I shouldn't be seeing?", Namjoon muttured. "They won't be waking up anytime soon. After they both wake up, I'm sure they'll just go tease each other on the same position, and probably just do whatever pleases them. Trust me, I've been through seeing them like that and it physically hurts me."

They all laughed.

_They all laughed, but not him._

_###_

"This is your fault why my back aches.", Jungkook muttured. "Stop moving, you'll fucking fall!"

"Jungkook, only if you would put me down then I wouldn't 'fucking fall'", the girl grumbled.

Jungkook groaned, adjusting the female. "Shut the fuck up, Hye Rin. Your foot's all burned up from dancing, and the sands hot."

"Fuck you!", she punched his back. "Jeon Jungkook, you wicked man, you're fucked up, fucking mad and fuck you."

"If you don't shut up, I'll fuck you.", Jungkook smiled, knowing all too well the girl would. "Good. Now shut up and let me carry you to the hut, virgin."

"I'll just pretend I did not just hear that.", Hoseok said, whistling. "But I'd like to remind you both, know your limits. I know you two have been attached to the hips even before you could speak, but you're not in a relationship.", he purses his lips.

"Chill, hyung.", Jungkook laughed. "It's nothing new."

"Yeah?", Hoseok raised his brows. "Oh, do you have time later evening, Jungkook?"

"Uh, hyung, I think I'm playing with Tae, y'know, overwatc—"

"Gguk, I thought you're helping me edit my video tho...", she softly mumbled.

"Oh, right... so yeah, I'm doin—"

"I said, do you have time later evening, Jungkook?", _There's something we should discuss. He knows it. He knows it too well when Hoseok uses that sentence. How dumb is he to not remember._

"Sure, hyung. I'll catch you all at eight? I'm gonna help her at seve—"

"No, meet us at 7 by Seokjin, Jimin and Namjoon's room.", the other said. "Oh, they're there by the way. If you need anyone, Seokjin is at the food stalls, Namjoon and Yoongi are at the shade, Jimin is probably out there being photographed by Taehyung, and I'm surfing with your brother, Hye Rin. Mrs. Lee is with your sister."

_Hoseok is a strange, strange hyung._

"Seokie acts weird lately.", Hye Rin nuzzles him. She let out a soft, musing sigh. "The others aren't talking to me lately."

"That's probably just you overthinking.", Jungkook sighed. "C'mon, let's keep going."

"Guk, there's only one lesson about loving anyone generally left.", she smiled. "You think you can make a move on my sister, finally?"

Jungkook was torn between shaking his head or nodding, so he stayed silent with his gaze down on the sand.

"C'mon, chickening out?", she giggled.

_I don't want to, Hye Rin. I think I can, but I don't want to. I don't want to make a move — not on your sister._

_And yes, I'm scared._

_Oh, was he so fucking scared._

They remained silent until they reached the hut, both greeting the two grilling food. They sat on a side, still attached, taking in the relaxing sight, not knowing it's only there to promise chaos.

Minutes later, Jungkook called her name.

"Let's ditch the lesson today, Hye Rin.", he whispered, only for them to hear. There they were again, in their own little world, in their own little safe place. "Let's make this day about the two of us. Just you and me."

"Would that be okay to say in front of your future girlfriend tho.", Hye Rin joked.

Jungkook can only bitterly smile. _I don't what to. I realized, I don't want to._ "Nobody I would like that much to make you mean less than they do to me."

_I need to understand. I need to sort things out._

"Just one day. Let me hold your hand. Forget the damn lesson.", Jungkook sighed. "Let it be you and me today. It's us today. Just one day, c'mon."

_Let me understand. Let me sort things out. Let me remember not to fuck up._

"Okay.", she gasped, uncertain. "Let's spend this day together, best friend."

He held her hand, and squeezed.

It was the only comfort she needed.

It was the only _li_ e she ever wanted to hear.

_There could never be us._

Jungkook likes Jieun for more than three years now. Not three days of Hye Rin teaching him how to love Jieun would, or should change that. Jungkook _loves_ Jieun. She knows that. He knows that.

But maybe, just maybe, all through those years, he realized he's only loved Jieun when one was gone. There's a whole part of him begging, aching for him to stop, and there's this little part of him screaming at him, questioning him, and it's that little part keeping him away from going for it.

The whole afternoon, no one questions them on why they're both not speaking. Nobody asks them why they stayed together, not speaking out loud, only whispering, giggling, only holding hands and hugging each other.

Bathing in each other's presences, holding each other, going back home. _Home has a heartbeat now._

That day, everybody spent their day happily, but no one can't deny that they didn't watch how the two would chase each other through the sand, how they took pictures, or how that noon, at sunset ended.

Nobody can't deny the fact that there's curiousity bubbling up inside them with the fact of how that noon, in front of the crimson, orange and pink skies, Jungkook sat on the warm sand while his _best friend_ soaked herself into the water, nor did they spoke about the fact that Jeon Jeongguk was there, holding his sketch pad, drawing the most beautiful view, _his future._

That night, Jieun told them about her boyfriend.

He didn't feel any pain.

Shit.

###

"Sure you're okay?", Hye Rin looked up at him.

"Yep?", Jungkook looked straight at her ocean orbs. "You're right. You're right that she's not the only one I'll ever love."

They walked in silence to her door.

"Goodnight? I don't think we'll spend the night together, maybe the boys wanna catch up with you.", Jungkook smiled at the girls sheepishness, patting her head. "I. Am. Not. Your. Puppy."

"But you're my baby!!!", Jungkook playfully exclaims. "Aren't you??"

"Oh, look, it's almost past seven.", she muttured. "Goodnight, Jeon Jeonggukie, I hope the ghosts of your videogames doesn't play with you!", and she slammed the door shut.

Byun Hye Rin is a weird girl, too.

His heart is even _weirder._

He walked to his hyung's room with unwilling steps, knowing well this is where the peace ends. Knowing too well what they'd talk about, and he's not someone who likes to take things slow and wait until someone opens a topic.

So, when he finally got the the door, he opened and closed it, securely locks it and breathes. He stared at them, his older hyungs present, Jimin and Taehyung somewhere out.

"Hyung, I'm scared.", he croaks.

Yoongi patted a space next to him, inviting him to his arms where the younger rests on his shoulders.

Seokjin looks over him. "Of what? The talk? Knowing what we'll talk about?"

"Myself.", he hates how he's so weak with them. How his eyes wets and warms way too early, and how his feelings liquifies and pours down from the window of his soul. "I'm scared of myself."

"Tell us about it.", Hoseok turns his phone off, plopping to the bed. "You love her?"

It took too long for him to answer.

"He means Jieun-ssi.", Namjoon looked over him. "What took you too long, Jungkook? Did you think we're talking about somebody else?"

"Be completely honest with us. There was someone who went to your head when he asked you if you love _her._ ", Yoongi spoke gently.

It was a new, welcomed feeling.

He nodded.

"And this girl we know all too well?", Yoongi asked once again. "We know, Jungkook. We just need your confirmation."

"Hyung, it can't be.", he said, after nodding. "She's my best friend. And I like her sister. I like Jieun noona."

Seokjin chews on his lips. "That doesn't seem like it — why did you exactly agreed on this 'acting like Jieun, practice on me' thing?"

"I—"

"Jungkook, you know that even if she knows her to the edges of her body and personality, you know too well that you can't learn how to love someone unless you love that _someone_ in their true selves, right?", Namjoon spoke. "You're better than that, Jungkook."

"I don't know.", Jungkook cried. "I don't know anymore, hyung. I like her. I like her so much. I liked her for so long. I liked her since the very beginning."

" _Which her_?", Hoseok mumbles. "Which one, Jungkook? The one's unavailable. The other one you're too scared to look over the best friend title. Which her, exactly?"

Jungkook fell silent.

"She'll never know what she's missing, because she never knew she was missing something.", he continued. "Oh, I'm talking about Jieun, by the way. Unless you've got something interested in your head?"

_The were torturing him._

"Hyung..."

"Okay. You guys are not helping.", Yoongi muttured. "Hye Rin is our best friend— she's special to us, to me — _she's the only girl best friend I ever had and will have_ — you two are the most close to each other, but she's our best friend too."

There was silence.

"Let me start. Why do you like Jieun, Jungkook?", Yoongi smiled.

The boy wiped his tears. "I... well... she feels like Hye Rin.", Jungkook shyly muttured. "She's beautiful — like moon goddess, but Hye Rin's more like that, tho. And she's tall, she's got a great figure and she's delicate, her eyes are oceanic too, she's just got this cute nose, and her lips looks like hers. She resembles her so much that when I miss her, I just look at Jieun and I feel like I'm home. Maybe missing something, but still home.", he smiles.

Seokjin looked down.

_Jeongguk, no matter how big, and tall, and strong he is, is nothing but a child._

"What do you feel when Hye Rin is there?", Yoongi asked again. "What do you think of her?"

There was it, the spark that ignited in him at the mention of his beloved friend. "Hye Rin? Ah. Happy. Just happy. And contented. Safe, but also ready to fire at anybody who wrongs her — she's my best friend, and I don't like her being hurt.", he smiles a bit. "She's beautiful. She's everything. She's... Art. A masterpiece. She's something any other form of it should envy. She's all the things beautiful and not, and I don't wanna lose her.", he eyes the ground.

"Why are you so scared, Jungkook?", Hoseok bursts out. "Are you afraid of what you'll find once you look behind the surface? She's not your best friend, she's not just your best friend, Jungkook!"

"Hobi-hyung..."

"No, don't talk to me like that."

"She's my best friend and just that. I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Last time I checked, Jungkook, best friends don't hug each other to sleep. Best friends doesn't make sexual jokes to each other. Best friends doesn't make you forget you actually love someone that is their _sister._ Best friends does a lot of things, but not those! I wouldn't threaten my best friend I'd fuck her if she doesn't shut up!", Hoseok continues. "What does letting her sleep in your arms, carrying her around and cuddling her make you, Jungkook?"

"...", he silently waits for words to go out of his tongue. "...a good friend."

"Jungkook, Hun...", Seokjin smiles at him, warm. "Yoongi, tell him."

"No, Jungkook.", Yoongi pulls him close. "Dongsaeng, what is Jieun to you?"

"She's beautiful. Someone who needs to be treated like a lady should be treated.", Jungkook mutters. "She's just... the love of my life, I used to say?"

"How did you feel knowing she's got a boyfriend?", Yoongi asks.

"Weird."

"In a painful way?", Namjoon enters the conversation.

He shook his head. "In a way I felt nothing. Which was weird. I've loved her for years."

Yoongi hummed. "If by chance she doesn't have a boyfriend, would you go for it?"

"No...??", Jungkook asks. "I don't think so. And it's real, so there's no point of knowing that."

"Actually, that changes everything. How about Hye Rin? How'd you feel about her? What is she to you?", Yoongi tilts his head.

"She's the moon, stars, galaxies and everything making up my universe.", he smiles. "I'd do anything for her, and I don't know what to do without her."

There was silence, and Jungkook almost regrets being too _honest._

"How are they different from each other?", Yoongi asks.

"Jieun... she's just so lady like and composed. Elegant.", Jungkook looks down. "It may be complicated, but... She's perfect. It's just that she's not Hye Rin."

"Oh."

"OH."

"Jungkook, you dummy.", Yoongi smiled. "I'm saying this because you need to know, and all you need to do is trust me, okay?"

Jungkook nodded.

"It may be a mess for you, but you've been thinking you're inlove with someone you are not.", he seriously says. "Gguk, you love Hye Rin. Not Jieun. It's just that Jieun is who you frequently see, considering she's in Korea and Hye Rin is in NYC, and the semblance between them... Jungkook, you see Hye Rin in Jieun and you taught you love her, when in reality, you're just missing the girl you truly love."

"Hyung... She's my best friend."

"Look behind from that thought, Gguk, you might find something interesting.", Yoongi smiled, torn. "If the best friend title is making you lose your vision on how much more you could find just how much more you two could be — drop it. All the possibilities, Gguk. All these things you could've been. Don't let the 'best friend' thing stop you."

"I'm scared how this all will turn out, hyung.", Jungkook muttured. "I don't wanna be like Tae Tae hyung, he's just... I... He fell for someone close to him and now they're no longer close and — hyung I'm scared. I'm still mad on who hurt him like that, and loving Hye Rin is just as hard as being angry at someone I don't even know at all. I'm"

"Taehyung. He's a different case.", Hoseok smiled at him genuinely, the first time that day. "It was bound to happen. It was a bad break up, but it was bound to happen. It didn't make them better friends, but it did make them better individuals."

"Gamble, Kookie.", Seokjin said. "You're a grown man now. Falling for someone. How fast would you grow?", he nostalgically said.

"Hyung..."

"You're an awesome person, Jungkook.", Namjoon smiled too. "It's okay. You're gonna be okay. Hye Rin might be broken now, but you can help her. She taught you how to love others, now you could teach her how to love herself."

I've fallen for a broken compass. Lost with no right direction, with no escape, with no clear future ahead.

"It's a mess now, but remember how you were best friends before you fell for her?", Yoongi looked at him. "Never forget that, even if you two end up as lovers. If faith doesn't agree on you both loving each other, give it up and take a step back; where you two are just best friends. If you don't end up as lovers, however, stay together as friends. You're unbreakable. You two aren't bound to be together but fated to be friends. It's that or lose her. You let her know you love her, and whatever happens, you stay best friends. No matter what, you stay best friends. Lovers or not, you have each other. You could love her without having to brand her yours."

Yoongi spoke with experience, like his mouth has a mind of it's own. Everybody was silent, respecting the man.

Yoongi is a wise person. At times, he may appear that he's not, but he is.

There it was again, the fire inside him, urging him to know; curiousity.

Confused, he stared at his hyung. "How'd you know all of this, hyung?"

_"I was in love with my best friend too."_

###

"Alone?", Taehyung's deep voice was followed with metal rustling, possibly because he sat on the old, rusty swing.

Or maybe he has a knife, whatever.

Hye Rin continuously threw pebbles, somewhere between angry and bored, maybe just a little cray-cray.

It took what? Maybe, 30 minutes? Too long for Taehyung to keep track on before the girl finally replies to him.

"If you actually looked at me you would've saw with your two eyes.", Hye Rin grumpled. "What's the point of having eyes that big if you don't use them?"

"Oh look, she speaks!", Taehyung sarcastically says.

"Oh look, he talks to me!", Hye Rin replied, equally as sarcastic. "If you're gonna correct me, shut the fuck up. Raisins on a cookie is awesome. Some people might think it's not but I just voiced my thought."

"I would never. I'm fond of things existing, blending with something no matter how it contrasts to the environment — the will, the bravery, the courage to go against what's regular to make something amazing."

"Hey, shut the fuck up, Socrates, it's a fucking cookie.", Hye Rin sighed.

"The pettiness in this entire conversation.", Taehyung rolled his eyes playfully.

They exchanged sarcasms for a while, swinging together, just contented to finally be able to take again.

"You like him?"

"No.", it was an immidiate answer. She knew exactly just who they were talking about. "No, Taehyung. I don't."

"You love him?"

Then there was the silence that came.

"You considered.", Taehyung concluded. "At some point, you did."

"You speak like you know me.", she chuckled.

"Cause I do.", Taehyung shrugged. "What's stopping you, tho?"

He doesn't expect her to answer, but she did.

"A lot of things.", Hye Rin smiled. "He likes my sister. He's my best friend. I'm afraid."

"Last time I checked, you'd face your fears with everything you've got.", Taehyung snickered. "Afraid of what?"

"Taehyung, the last time you checked on me was three fucking years ago, of course things would change, dumbass.", she commented. "And afraid of what? Everything."

There was silence, a comforting one. One that let's them listen to each other's heartbeats, even though one beats another song. It was something, not enough, not pretty, but it was something.

"He has this fate on me, this hope on me. I'm afraid I can't — afraid I can't love him right, afraid I can't make him happy. I'm afraid he won't understand how much I'm lost because of how much I lose. I'm afraid that he, even if he's my best friend, won't understand that sometimes I just wanna be alone, but with someone.  I'm scared he won't understand how much I wanna sleep and not wake up until I'm not breathin' and unable to. I'm afraid he knows I can't do these things because once, it hurted me a lot.", she laughed. "It's weird confessing this to you, but I'm afraid he doesn't want him to be my autumn to fall for. I am afraid he doesn't want to be my winter, my autumn, my spring, my summer — I'm afraid to know he doesn't want to be my four seasons because he's got his own."

"And?"

"I'm afraid I don't deserve him.", Hye Rin smiled. "Jieun will break up with her boyfriend soon, anyways. I know how she does. She'll fall for Jungkook, and knowing him, he'd more than love to have her. It's another thing I'm afraid of — he loves Jieun, and I love him. I'm afraid I'll get left broken again."

Taehyung looked up to see the blanket of diamonds that are the stars, laying there like speckles of glitters.

The girl spoke out of nowhere. "Yah..."

 

"Hm?"

 

"I was lonely too."

 

Taehyung reminded silent, only looking up.

 

Hye Rin followed the motion. The stars have always been brighter on the country side. Was it because there's lesser pollution? Ha.

"It's beautiful, isn't?", Hye Rin smiled, eyes still up. Taehyung pursed his lips, looking over to the girl.

He saw the curls of his hair, the lovely details of her face and her soft looking, barely even there freckles scattered like stars on her cheeks. Her lips had a glow that should've been envied by the moon, and the smile on her face illuminated the dark so beautifully, the sun should feel threatened.

"It is.", he said, like he's in some sort of weird romantic movie. "Really, really beautiful I could spend forever staring at the wonderful view."

But he was no leading man, and this girl wasn't his leading lady.

There was a silence, spent staring at the most beautiful view they both saw in their life — Hye Rin's, the diamond blanket of darkness and sparkles that is the night sky, and to Taehyung, the beautiful girl staring so innocent to a beauty she doesn't even know she outshines.

It was until, Hye Rin spoke that the euphoria of having each other, taking the moment of their lives, broke.

"Tae...", she called the other.

He looked at her, stopping the midway through the laugh he's been doing for five minutes now. Shocked at the sudden call of his nickname, the new feeling of hearing it again after three years that felt like eternity dawning to him.

"Huh?"

"Tae.", she repeats.

"Hye Rin — wait, are you crying?", His brows raised.

"No. I'm not.", she smiled.

"What, Hye Rin?", Taehyung gently asked, confused.

"Tae... If you ever see him.", she smiled, broken. "Tell him to come back. Home misses him."

Taehyung smiled.

"Tell him... I'm sorry for giving up.", Hye Rin nodded. "Tell him I'm sorry for not understanding."

"Tae said...", he gulped. "He was gone, but not his love.", he stood up. "It was just that sometimes, he's the Starry Night, and sometimes, he is the suicide letter. He can't love you while he's broken, else he'll get you broken too. He said, sorry for falling inlove with someone that is not you. He said, he can't come home."

He stepped five steps behind. "And that he needed to step back, move away, and let you heal.", he smiles. "He said, sorry for the only perfect he could be is perfectly fucked up."

She stood up. "I didn't want you to be perfect. I wanted you to want me too. Wasn't I enough? Wasn't my love enough? Why did you fall in love with someone that isn't me?"

She's doing this. She's doing this.

"You were too much. That's where we went wrong.", Taehyung explained, voice calm. "I was loving you just fine,  and you loved to much you ended up loving for both of us. And I let you to. Then I stopped loving. And I needed to love, but I can't put more love to you."

"You used to write for me, Taehyung. I was your art.", she brokenly cried. _You need this. Closure. It's now or never._ "W-was I... Did I get boring, Tae?"

Taehyung stepped closer, smiling. Holding both his palms on her cheeks, Rosy from the cold and the tears. "I made art out of you, and it was the best decision I've made. You're inlove with another man, and I'm still inlove with you. We were bound to break, and I was bound to watch you fall for another person."

"I am a complicated person, Rin. You deserve someone like Jimin or Guk. I don't have a place to call home, I grew from a broken family — I'm a broken person. I was broken from the start, and I met you...", Taehyung laughed, insulting nobody but himself. "I... I was drunk on the thought that loving you would save me — that love would be my salvation."

"But I could be your home, Tae.", she whimpered.

Maybe, the reason she can't move on from Taehyung was because she doesn't want to. Maybe she doesn't want to because she still loves him.

Maybe, she really isn't meant to love.

"Hush...", Taehyung said, "I am a dangerous person — I don't know how to overcome myself, I'm a mess, I have these thoughts I've never shared with anyone. Sometimes I feel like nobody deserves me — You don't deserve me, I'm fucking useless. I wanted to kill myself — I thought I'd die with a step and that nobody would miss me, I asked myself why I can't be like any others and baby...", Taehyung shook his head. "... we were falling apart."

"Why, Taehyung?", Hye Rin tilted her head. "I don't understand. We could've been everything we wanted to be. We could've been this, that, we could've overcame that fucking hurricane of a mess in your mind.", Hye Rin begged.

"I haven't slept for years, nor have I loved after you. I couldn't even trust anybody. Not even my own best friend. I didn't know what was wrong with me, cause I fucking loved you and I don't know if it was another girl, if I did something, just I don—!"

_Home. Home has a heartbeat._

His lips were pressed against her's. It was her Taehyung facing him — kissing him at this moment. It was home. She loves Jungkook, she knows that, but Taehyung is a written chapter on her life that isn't yet completed. She needs this. To end this. To know something, anything.

To feel him. She just needs him.

Taehyung was the first to break off, foreheads close to each other. "Baby, it wasn't you. It was just we're natural disasters and we couldn't be together, or well just mess everyone, including ourselves."

"Did you love me, Taehyung?", her brows knitted, pushing him away.

"Hye Rin—"

"Did you love me, Taehyung?!", she yelled. "I fucking asked!"

"You were an empty dream, Hye Rin. You were my best friend, then a stranger, then my girlfriend. I promised to never love anyone, because the last time I saw someone love another, it didn't end fucking well, but I loved you, and there's this pain on my chest I never knew how to take away from me.", Taehyung answered. "You were the answer to all my fucking prayers, and I am sorry for breaking you and loving you without permission."

"You're an idiot, Taehyung!", she cried. "Why'd you hurt me like this... Why'd you hurt me this much?"

"You don't deserve me, baby.", Taehyung stood tall, taking all the punches she throws at him. It was painful, but couldn't be more painful that what she's experienced.

"I hate you so fucking much..."

"I know. I hate myself too."

"I gave you everything, Taehyung.", she cried. "And you gave up on everything."

"I'm sorry."

"I loved you! I wish..",Hye Rin laughed, mocking. "I wish I never did!"

"Thank you.", he muttured. _She loved me. She did._

"Tae... How could you...", she cried.

"You're beautiful... you were art. But you... you destroyed me, nothing but insanity hidden in a pretty face... I hate myself for falling for you.", Her knees gave up on her, and she found herself kneeling on the sharp sand, eyes tearing up.

She cried, she cried until she couldn't. Until Taehyung was stopping her, already kneeling in the same position, with such pain in his eyes.

"You only love me when it is convenient and if it benefits you.", she muttured.

" _Wrong_.", Taehyung shook his head. "I love you in times you can't because this is the only way I can love you without hurting you.", he smiled. "You were my everything, and I'd love you like this even if it means I'd have to hurt, so you... if it means you would be spared the pain."

"I _loved_ you, Taehyung."

"I know. I _love_ you too."

"Come back to me.", she whispered. "Come back home, to me, Tae."

For the first time that night, Taehyung's emotions have finally shown, one by one falling from the shiniest stars that are his eyes, little teardrops of emotion falling like raindrops on a gloomy day.

For the first time that night, he cried.

"I can't, Hye Rin.", Taehyung said, voice broken. "I'm staying out, because someone's living in my home now."

 _"_ _Hyung_ _..."_

###

"Oh, you guys...", Mrs. Lee faced them. "It will be long again before we all meet, right? You little kids... Come hug me! I'm gonna miss you!", she smiled.

"Yeah, mom, we're gonna miss you.", Hye Rin said, smiling.

"When's your flight to NYC, Rin?", Taemin said, tilting his head to Hye Rin.

"Soon, oppa.", Hye Rin smiled. "Next week, I think? Maybe I should spend Summer in NYC too. I've only been studying there for the past years, maybe I really should explore... and..."

"And?", Mrs. Lee raised her eyebrows.

Hye Rin smiled. " _I don't see a reason for me to stay here anymore._ ", she said. "We should get going, mom. Seoul is way too far from Busan."

"You really should. You have the food in your car? You sure you left nothing?", her mom asked. Hye Rin nodded. "My baby girl is big now..."

"I've been, for the past decade. Maybe if you look past Jieun, you'll see another daughter waiting for you.", she laughed. "We should get going now."

Dragging her feet to the car, the heavy emotions she feel stinging her eyes, the bitterness she could taste on the expanse of her tongue.

That trip, she spent the whole car ride back to Seoul at the backseat, not looking at the windows to see the beautiful view, but burrying her face to an angels neck, crying her emotions, pretending to be asleep, as the other man whispered words of comfort to her.

' _I_ _lost you at a time I really need you, and suddenly, I don't wanna do anything anymore. My limbs are tired, my body's giving up, my heart's confused and my eyes just wanna close. Forever. Til I can't breathe anymore.'_

"You're gonna be okay, cherub.", Jimin murmured, like a little secret between them.

' _It's one thing to lose someone you loved. It's one thing to lose someone you love. It's another thing to lose yourself because you loved so much you forgot you should love yourself too.'_

"Sometimes, Chim...", she whispered back. "I question my sanity..."

More tears fell from her eyes. "Sometimes, it _replies_."

He just patted her back.

It's all she needed now.

A listener.

Thank God for Park Jimin.

###

It took them three days before they decided they should meet, the day before Hye Rin's flight.

_**From: Jeonggukieeee** _

_Let's meet up. 7:30 at the usual place._

It was a chaotic feeling, somewhere between painful and nothing at all. Somewhere lying between emotional and emotionless. Somewhere, making her heart race and ache.

 _**To:** _ _**Jeonggukieeee** _

_Sure,_ _syl_ _._

She smiled.

It could be the last, but she's not scared. She's already broken — what's there left to break off her, when they've already stepped on all the fragments to crush them? She can't break anymore.

 _7:30_ _P.M_ _선유도, (서울, 남한)_  
_(_ _Sonyudo_ _, Seoul,_ _Namhan_ _/South Korea/)_

"You came...", Jungkook mumbled.

Hye Rin smirked. "Course I would. You're on time, that's new."

"Actually, I came ten minutes early.", he smiled. "Wanna get food?"

"Yeah. What are we gonna do, anyway?", Hye Rin asked, kicking pebbles.

"Walk. Talk. I don't know.", Jungkook chuckles. "I don't know, honestly. I just wanna be with you."

"You wanna be with me?", she repeated. "The girl who broke your hyung's heart?"

_I was broken too._

Jungkook stayed quiet, talking to a lady to get their food. The lady smiled at the two of them, reminding them not to throw their food wrappers and beverage bottles anywhere, unless it's a designated trash bin so they could preserve the cleanliness of the park.

Jungkook politely nodded, and told the lady to have a good day.

"Oh, you have a nice day with this beautiful lady too!", the woman enthusiastically said. "You're lucky with this beauty, girls nowadays can't even go out without make-up! Take care of your girlfriend!"

"Oh n—!"

"I will, ajumma!", Jungkook smiles, taking the bag of snacks before pulling Hye Rin away. "She's always like that, Hye Rin."

"That happened some time ago?", Hye Rin asked, Jungkook nodded, opening his drink and handing Hye Rin the bag of her snacks. "So... you've brought other girls here, too?"

"Of course, Hye Rin. I didn't swear abstinence, y'know?", Jungkook chuckled deeply. "People get drunk and get flings at a point of their lives. It's normal to get laid and some how, get interested to other people."

"Woah, sounds like you've got an awesome sex life and I'm not interested in hearing about it.", Hye Rin joked. "Don't ever say abstinence ever again.", she took a sip from her cola. "How many people have you brought here? Got in any serious relationship?"

When Hye Rin thought she knew everything about him, she realizes that she doesn't even know anything about his romance life. It's not like she needs to, she's just curious.

She almost laughs at herself. _I'm boo boo the fool._

"Nah. Just people from parties.", Jungkook shrugged. "I'm not a person to have one night stands — I hang out with them after."

"That doesn't make you seem less of an asshole.", Hye Rin giggled. "Jungkookie, you do those things?"

"Look, I know you act like virgin Mary, but men has needs and don't tell me you haven't done that.", Jungkook deadass stared at her eyes. "Shut the fuck up if you haven't had a fling and got laid."

They continued to walk, no one speaking.

"Look, the stars are so beautiful!", Jungkook suddenly said. "Or is it because I'm seeing them with you? I don't have interest in stars, you've gotta teach me those things, Hye Rin."

It has been ten minutes since they stopped walking, and Hye Rin hasn't even spoke a bit.

"Hey, why aren't you talking?"

"You said shut the fuck up!", she stomped her feet.

"I said, shut the fuck up if you haven't had a fling or got laid— oh, oH SHIT!", Jungkook's eyes widened. "Don't tell me you haven't done those? Have you even partied while you're in America?"

"Jungkook, I go to America not to get boyfriends or have sex or party.", Hye Rin looks down. "I go there for school. And I'm wearing this."

She makes him look at her hands, her ring finger settling prettily with a silver band, probably white gold. He held both her palms, knowing better than trace the beautiful ring.

"Who made you wear it?", Jungkook asked, eyes staring on the accessory — a promise. Hye Rin looked at where her porcelain skin contradicts his tan skin, and smiled. "A purity ring?"

"I did.", she smiled. "I wanna save myself."

"He's a lucky guy.", Jungkook smiled. "Taehyung - hyung, he's a very lucky guy."

"I was a lucky girl, too.", Hye Rin smiled, because she is. "He never made wronged me. It's just that, it didn't work out."

Jungkook laughed, unbelieving. "So, you're saying you haven't even had sex. Wow, imagine a boring life like that. How do you relieve yourself of stress?"

"There's many ways other than sex, Kookie.", she shooks her head.

"You sure you didn't swear abstinence?", Jungkook joked.

"I didn't.", Hye Rin smiled. "Was just waiting for someone to take this off me."

"Waiting, huh?", Jungkook smiled. "You still are?"

"Waiting for him?", she asks, waiting for him to nod yes as he sipped from his own drink. "Of course. I'll always be waiting for him."

" _Which him?_ ", Jungkook tilts his head.

No answer came for his enlightenment, so he continued. "Did you tell him?"

Hye Rin smiled. "I told him.", she looks down, where their hands still are linked. "He doesn't want me anymore.", She said while throwing all the remains of their snacks on the trash bin.

He pulled his hands away, and cleared his throat. "Maybe he does want you.", He says. "Maybe he does want you, maybe you're just not sure which one you're talking about."

"You wouldn't know.", Hye Rin laughed. _You wouldn't want me._

Jungkook stepped closer, until both of them were close to each other. "Yeah?", Jeongguk asked. "Cause I know that I want you.", he moves closer. "I just don't know if I was the one you're talking about."

There was it again, the feeling of Summer as the season nears it's ending. The warmth was surrounding her again, it was home again.

Even if Autumn closes, threatening fall. _Fall. I'm falling for you._

All these colors that surrounds them — like sparkles, the lights on the lake, the flowers on the sides, and them, standing at the middle of the bridge, like it's just them existing at that place.

There goes again, these thoughts. The thoughts that comes in and dawns in her, turning into emotions inside her head, it's _just_ _too much, too much,_ and they turn into these tears that flows down her eyes as their lips connect, hands intertwined, raw emotions, but short lived.

_Your life's a big question mark, Hye Rin. Everyone will leave you. You're just another falling leaf passing by. Your existence is a big 'I don't know' to you and to everyone else. You don't even know who you like, or who you want to be!_

"Stop!", she cried, pushing Jungkook away. "Get the fuck away from me, Jeon Jungkook!"

"Stay away from me...", Hye Rin cried. "Jungkook, if this is your way of telling me you hate me because I broke Taehyung, then fucking stop! I wasn't the one who fell for somebody else! We were both broken — but he was the one who broke both of us!"

"What are you talking about, Hye Rin?", Jungkook asked. "Yes, I was mad at you. Yes, I was fucking hurt. I wasn't hurt because you fucked up with a relationship with someone who's like my brother, I was hurt because you never told me, you two made me look like a fool!"

"So that's why you're doing this to me, huh!?", she questioned, each word sending daggers to Jungkook's chest.

"I would never.", Jungkook shook his head. "I love you, and that's true, but why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't need to know anything, Jungkook. You didn't need to know everything.", Hye Rin cried. "How do you expect me to tell you everything when I don't even know a fucking thing?"

"Hye Rin..."

"Guys like you...", she laughed, mocking. "You two are messed up. He hurts me like this, with no decent explanation, not even decent break-up, no closure given to me.", she rants, "And you, you get here and there, sending me mixed signals. One time I'm fucking special, one time I'm just a friend, the next I'm nothing at all. One time you kiss me and the next you ignore me. One time you'd talk to me like I'm everything, the next you'd talk like I'm nothing at all. Please make up your mind cause I'm fucking confused as well! You love Jieun at one time, the next you confess to me. I don't fucking know what you want, I'm not fucking sure what I want — but I'm tired. I'm sick of this. Tell me you don't want me and go. Tell me you just want to fuck me and go."

"Hye Rin...", Jungkook muttured. "Do you... Do you like me?"

"I fucking love you and now I wish I didn't.", she whispered. "I get this annoying feeling when you talk about how pretty all those girls are, I get petty over the fact that you've brought girls to place we go, and I get fucking livid with the fact that you like Jieun."

The was silence.

"Do I like you?", Hye Rin immitated him. "Well, if I get jealous, it means _I like you_! If I go crazy when you don't reply to my texts, it means _I'm inlove_ _with you_! If I break me but I let you love somebody else, _goddamn it,_ Jungkook, _I loved you so much I forgot to love myself!"_ , she laughed.

"Why didn't you tell me?", Jungkook said, unbelieving. "All the things we could've been, Hye Rin. All the things we could've been."

"Because you told me you love Jieun, and the truth lies in that!", she yells. "Look, I'm fucking in love with you and do you think I would just pin you up a corner and say that like you do to other girls? Well I don't, jokes on you! So I help you love the girl you like so damn much, because she's just way much better than I'll ever be, and that's the closest I could ever be to you!"

"Hye Rin..."

"Sometimes I want to be able to read your mind just so I know what I really am to you.",her hoarse voice rang through Jungkook's ears. "Just tell me what you feel, because how you act is confusing me and I'm already so tired."

Jungkook smiled. "You wanna know?", Jungkook tilts his head. "Well I fucking think I hate you, I hate how you're so beautiful, I hate how you bring colors to my life, I hate how I never saw blue since I met you. I hate how you don't pick up my calls, how you go acting like little miss perfect — because who the fuck says please, thank you and good morning, like where does that get you, Hye Rin? And I hate that one day, I just realized I don't like your sister these past three years, and it came unexpected that I love you so much!"

"Jungkook, you can't go to me because you can't have my sister. You can't like me because you like my sister and she's in love with someone that is not you. I am not her substitute. I am not playing her role to satisfy you. I am not Cupid's fucking doll.", tiredness and lethargy dripped from her honey voice. _I can't do this. I can't do this._

"But you are not her substitute, Hye Rin. I love you, and that's true.", Jungkook almost begged her to believe him. "Hye Rin..."

"I was teaching you to love and now all suddenly you're the reason I need to learn how to love again.", Hye Rin tilted her head. "The time has came where something goes on inside me and I don't know if it's my heart fluttering or breaking when you go around, doing things like that. I can't tell if you're killing me or making me stronger, and I just badly want to know what you're really feeling about me, Jungkook!", she cried.

"I fucking love you."

"But you love Jieun too.", Hye Rin's stubbornly says. "You love Jieun too, and if you don't even know what the fuck you're _feeling_ , how the hell am I supposed to know what to _feel_?"

There was silence. The stars shines bright, the lake was flowing endlessly and still in a relaxing pace, the wind breezes ever so gently, contradicting the intense moment that unfolds.

"Trust me, Hye Rin. Just trust me.", Jungkook begged. "Please, just please."

"Here we are again, Jungkook. Don't you ever get tired?", Hye Rin looks down, tears streaming just as endless as the waters. "You're sending mixed signals again, and I'm having second thoughts about because I don't fucking have an idea on what to think."

"Don't think at all, Hye Rin.", Jungkook begged. "Please. Believe me, just this once."

"I don't know, Jungkook.", she shakes her head. "I'm so much of a liar that the many times I've liked to myself, I couldn't even trust anyone else, including myself."

And she was walking away.

_Stop me from going away. Pull me fucking close to you and tell me I'm yours. Own me. Prove me you love me. Tell me I'm not fucking alone in this, Jungkook. Tell me I'm not the only one lost. I fucking want to be alone — but alone with you._

It never came.

Jungkook never ran to her.

_I hope I didn't expect you to run after me just like how I never expected to run from you._

Nothing's made here for her.

She cried, too.

No one has to know.

She's a liar, anyway. Another lie won't change anything, her slot in hell's already reserved.

She's such a liar she doesn't believe herself anymore.

_'I'll move on from you, Jeongguk.  I you anymore. I really don't.'_

She's so desperate she believed in herself.

_She's so desperate she turned into a fool, believing a liar that is she, herself._

Summer... Maybe summer isn't always happy.

Maybe Summer had enough of making me happy, and did this.

Maybe Summer... Maybe Summer...

Maybe Summer isn't as perfect after all.

_'I was teaching you how to love and now I don't even know how to love myself anymore'_

**Author's Note:**

> Namhan : how Koreans call South Korea
> 
> I didn't probably give the idea justice but this idea just struck to me when I am feeling homesick (I miss Busan tbh) while studying abroad. Leave a kudos or a comment, much appreciated! Thanks for reading, have a good day! <3


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